A New Different Life

At some point in life, we will all lose someone in our lives. Whether it be a parent, sibling, best friend, spouse, miscarriage, child, or a pet you loved. Learning to live in a "new different" life is not always easy, especially when it was completely unexpected. So, how do we learn to live a "different life?"

Start with expecting that things are going to be different now.

Friends will act differently. Many won't even acknowledge your loss after a few weeks. They think you'll just get on with your life, and everything will be fine.

What they often fail to understand is that grief and mourning do not simply conclude after the memorial service or burial. These profound feelings are complex and can persist for many years, often surfacing at unexpected moments. The emotional journey of grief is not linear; it ebbs and flows, and individuals may find themselves grappling with feelings of sorrow, anger, confusion, and even guilt long after the formalities of saying goodbye have taken place. It is crucial to recognize that the mourning process is deeply personal and varies greatly from person to person, with no definitive timeline that dictates when one should be "over" their loss.

Family members may want to start clearing out closets and emptying drawers, or they might suggest changing your pictures or even consider moving to a new home altogether. These actions, while often well-intentioned, can feel overwhelming and intrusive to someone who is still navigating their grief. It’s important to communicate openly with loved ones about your feelings and to assert your need for time and space. Rushing into significant changes can lead to feelings of regret or additional sorrow, as the physical reminders of a loved one can serve as comforting anchors during a turbulent emotional period.

It’s important to wait until you feel ready to make those changes. You will know when the time is right to let things go, and this realization may come gradually. The process of sorting through belongings, for instance, can be a cathartic experience, allowing you to reflect on cherished memories and the life shared with your loved one. However, it is essential to approach this task with care and at a pace that feels manageable. This process can take weeks, months, or even years, and there is no shame in taking your time. Each person’s timeline is unique, and honoring your feelings as they arise is a vital part of healing.

It's also advisable to remain in your home for at least the first year if possible, as you need time to adjust to your "new different" way of living. The familiar surroundings can provide a sense of stability and comfort as you navigate the waves of grief. During this time, you may find solace in routines that remind you of your loved one or in the presence of friends and family who understand your journey. Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals who respect your grieving process can help foster healing and encourage you to express your feelings openly. Ultimately, embracing your grief, allowing yourself to feel, and taking the necessary time to adjust will lead to a more profound understanding of your loss and a path toward eventual acceptance.

One thing I recommend is to gather pictures of your loved one and start a photo album. Also, write notes to them. Tell them how much you miss them, and specific things you enjoyed doing with them. Also, write down as many memories as you can remember. Being able to go back and see those memories can be very healing.

I created an area in my office where I hung pictures of my daughter, and some of her poems she had written. Every time I walk into that room, I can see her smiling face, and it just brings me peace.

Consider going to a coffee shop, and ordering your favorite drink. Take a book, or play games on your tablet or phone. Just sit and enjoy this time to relax. Look around, smile at others who glance your way or say hello as your passing by someone. I don't recommend spending every day alone in your home without interacting with someone.

If you attend a church or even if you don't, find one near your home, get involved in some way. At our church we have what we call Life Groups. We have groups for couples, singles, women, men, etc. I am currently leading a group for women. I love getting together once a week and just catching up. It will take time, but I do have faith in you. I just takes one step at a time You can do this!